A New Chapter

Today is an exciting day for us. We’re moving!

It’s also a terrifying day. We’re moving!

Ha. But seriously, this is only my second time putting my life in literal boxes and it’s almost as nerve-wracking as the first time. I lived at home ’til we got married and now we’re moving back into my (grand)parents’ home. We’ll be helping pay for utilities and groceries of course, but they’re gracious enough not to charge us rent (though, can I say that makes me uncomfortable? I know they don’t mind but I don’t like feeling like a moocher.). I’m nervous about the move not because we don’t all get along (we do), but because things are different now. Sure, it’s still their house and their rules, and I respect that, but Kris and I have built our own home with our own rules and routines, and it’s going to be strange getting used to sharing those things with someone else.

Plus, everything is more terrifying exciting when you have an anxiety disorder. Suddenly, you’re not just packing your dishes in a storage unit, you’re trusting your life’s treasures to a metal box that suddenly feels really far away and how are you supposed to know no one will get in there and these are your good dishes and what if they break despite the ten feet of foam paper and bubble wrap, and how are you just supposed to leave your books packed up for months? Your books! And what if we really need this thing we haven’t used in three years and it’s all the way in storage in this box in the back, and —

It’s exhausting. Not just for me, but for Kris, too. I’m sure he’s tired of hearing the same senseless worries. And granted, it’s probably not silly to worry someone might break into your storage unit. It probably is silly to think they’ll break in and steal only my boxes of books.

In the moments of clarity, I’m able to step back and acknowledge that there really isn’t much left to do. We still have another week before the house is officially on the market (a perk of being able to move out before listing) so we only need to pack and move our essentials for now. We have time to make a few last minute updates, stage the home, sort things for the Great Moving Sale of 2015, and do a deep-clean, which I can honestly say is probably going to be my least favorite part. I am a messy creature. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Outwardly I think I’m doing a good job of appearing to maintain my sanity. Inwardly, I feel like a hummingbird, zipping to and fro: but we have to clean this, we need to paint here, why isn’t the grass growing in this spot, why is it growing too fast in this spot, should we leave the herb garden or no, is anyone even going to like our house — which is, you may notice, an extension of “is anyone going to like me.” I’m struggling to detach myself from our home, thinking if someone doesn’t like something about the house, it’s a judgment of us and the quality or quantity of work we’ve done to it.

Of course that’s not true, but with anxiety disorders, lack of truth in a thought doesn’t stop you from thinking it.

So I’m excited about this. I’m trying to focus on the fun parts of it, like staging the house and showing it to potential buyers. (Yes, we’re selling it on our own.) And I’m trying to remember that our historic little haunted house isn’t perfect — but neither am I, and the right person found me and fell in love even with the ghosts and the cracks in the walls.

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Let’s talk about those six months

Let’s all pretend like I didn’t just completely vanish for six months there.

Okay, well, I tried.

I completely disappeared on you all and that’s stupid of me. It’s not to say I’ve been too busy; I’m always busy, but rarely too busy. But there have been a lot of things happening! No photo updates this time, but I’ll give you a quick run-down.

I got a new job at my alma mater. I’m working in statistical analysis, which is interesting and completely not where I thought I’d end up. But it’s fun and who cares, because I’m working here. Seriously. I would sweep floors here, I love it so much. I have excellent coworkers, I’m back among friends and getting opportunities to teach, which as you know, makes me happier than a kid at Christmas.

I went to see Mastodon and Gojira in concert, which, if you follow me on Instagram, you probably got flooded with pictures and video of. It was an amazing show, it’s really your fault for not being there.

I chopped all my hair off again. Oh wait, I do have a picture for that.

Plus a cameo by Husband’s Thumb!

I’m just excited that my new job lets me dye my hair weird colors. Last time was purple highlights. I’m hoping by mid-spring it will be long again, and I’m planning to bleach it again and probably do some pastel highlights. Maybe lavender, grey, who knows. I love it!

Hm. What else. Oh! Christmas was great. It was over in a flash, but it was tons of fun. Sadly, no pics for that. I got a new phone, what do you want from me?

Then January brought another Year of Me resolution, which is going pretty great so far (refers back to hair picture). I have tattoo plans again but may not get them carried out this year, which is sad. But next year it will happen, I’m sure. Also in January I got to have Second Christmas with my mom, sister, and brother-in-law. That was fun! My mom invited me to sing with a band she was in here and that was terrifying but super fun. So fun, in fact, we’re doing it again at a block party in April. No, I do not have photos. Or video. Nope.

February sees birthdays for both my grandparents, so that’s fun. Also my aunt and uncle’s 25th wedding anniversary. We threw them a big party and it was so great. I made them this fun wreath!

It's a phone pic, cut me a break.

It’s a phone pic, cut me a break.

And really, the biggest thing going on right now is that Kris and I are selling our house! Yay! That’s exciting. Also nerve-wracking, but not as bad as I was expecting. We’ve been packing up and hopefully will be out of it soon. We’re staying with family while the house is on the market, and we’re really hoping that doesn’t take long … we’ve decided to build! We’ve picked a plan, a neighborhood, a builder … basically everything. Just need to change “For Sale” to “Sold!” So keep that in your thoughts for me. (That’s also why there’s probably no tattoo this year, in case you were wondering.)

Also I actually do have plans for upcoming posts, although the Breaking Bad idea I kept dangling over your heads may not happen. I have no idea what I’m doing.

But I love you guys! Go out and do something great today.